Sunday, March 15, 2009

beat

I breath your air
Sucking it in
I can feel your pulse through the melancholy sigh
It's enough,
that's all I need
so close it hurts

2 comments:

  1. you have sweet moments and thoughts throughout this, jackie : ) it makes an enjoyable read. the next thing that you need to work on is creating a better flow and connection so that the reader can almost gloss through it that is what will take your writing from good to great ;

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  2. the rhythm was almost broken, i must tut.
    but otherwise, it was acceptable.

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